I talk pretty big about compassion. I even try to live the talk, and I think I do a good job with almost every one I come across; but I fail with my family. Why is that? I have always hated the saying, “We hurt the ones we love” — it just seems like such a cop-out to me. Why do we rationalize that it is acceptable to hurt those we love, the people closest to us?
I bring all of this up because yesterday morning was a war zone at my house. My son and I had a disagreement about how his behavior was affecting his sister’s. It ended up with both of us upset, angry and hurt. I felt badly for the rest of the day about it. I let my emotions run away with me and he paid for it. I should have remained calm and softly spoken to him, instead my voice became thunderous and he was scared and felt like I had betrayed him to the girls.
Last night we had a good talk about it, hugged and then we all watched the new animated movie from Marvel, Dr. Strange. (It was very cool.)
It bothered me all day at work and then I thought about it an awful lot last night too. Why can I not control my anger at home? Why is it that my kids are the ones that see my anger while I can remain calm with any one else?
I would rather spend time with my children than with anyone else. They are wonderful, they still see the everyday-magic that the world has in so much abundance. Sometimes I like to watch them play when they are not aware I am there, watching from the corner or across the lawn. They are amazing.
Yeah, they are hard on each other, fighting about toys, who sits where and which one of them gets to spend the night at the grandparents house. But they are so kind and loving too.
Last night before we went home and watched the movie I took the kids to visit my grandfather. He was sleeping when we got there, and barely woke to see us for a bit. After he dozed back off the kids sat around with me, watching him and being quiet for as long as they could. When we left his room they all took turns, one by one, giving his cheeks kisses and hugging him as best they could around the hospital bed and they IV and wires. It was sad and wonderful. They love him so much.
I can learn from them… something for me to think about.
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