I am terrible at remaining calm and staying in a forgiving state of mind. I too quickly allow myself to become upset and angry when people, especially those people close to me, act in ways I would prefer they not.
If I am dealing with my children I become upset with them, and then myself as the situation deepens. My voice becomes strong and I lose myself to the anger which develops instead of remaining peaceful and finding the solution in a positive manner.
My son takes the brunt of my ire in almost all situations. He is very much like me. Very flippant, has a smart mouth and generally sees right to the heart of the issue, stoking the fire before I even realize there is a flame.
All of the things I am good at too.
I need to work much more on my meditation practice and see how far that can take me. I feel that forgiveness is something you learn something you cultivate and practice; not something we are born with.
Meditation offers practitioners many benefits; from lowering blood pressure to showing more clearly the objects they are attached to. Forgiveness is a natural outcropping of meditation, especially when it is the goal of a particular practice.
By practicing the Loving Kindness meditation forgiveness should begin to flow and become something that is tangible, not just an aspiration. I will redouble my efforts and actually practice on a real schedule.
It is easy enough to say Om Mani Padme Hung throughout the day, but to pay attention to these words and to let my soul follow them, that is hard for me.
But I guess no one ever said Dharma was the easy way out.
I can only empathize on your anger and frustration in parenthood. However, on the flip side, when my parents are irrational and explosive towards me, I’m learning how to defuse the problem by being assertive about my reasons without raising my voice and showing any frustration in my expression. It’s an on-going battle with my dad. In the past, I would act like my parents and fight to the bitter end, and it made me more resentful and I didn’t want to learn anything from them. Practicing Compassion, Love & Kindness meditation is helping a great deal by allowing me to understand and be more aware of the problem. I’m learning how to forgive and be in harmony with them and also myself. I feel if I’m harmony with myself, it’s easier to let go and be in harmony with my parents and my love ones.
The Dharma is the tool that we can use to set us free and be eternally blissful.