I have rarely experienced the “now”. I am usually thinking about the past and all too often fantasizing about the future; both of which are without merit. I vividly remember a few times in my the life when the world around me seemed to move in hours instead of seconds. People moved past me as if they were in slow-motion, sounds had a Doppler effect and all the time I felt that I was moving normally. I have also had the opposite experience, with the world on fast-forward while I watched it all flash by in an instant. Both of these occurrences lasted mere ticks on the clock, I know, but they had a lasting mark on my soul. I think in those moments I was really finding the suchness of my life.
I have not lived my life seeking to duplicate those moments, though maybe I should have. Instead I live my life as most of us do; from home to work and back home again with various errands in between. I spend little time, if any at all, meditating and centering myself. There are occasions when I recognize that I am breathing, I am able to feel the universe for a short time; connected to everything, everywhere, in meetings or my drive time, even staring at the wall at the urinal. In fact a few weeks ago I was looking at the gray wall as I stood at the urinal (maybe not the scene you would like to picture, but I am the writer not the director) when I realized that there was not really a wall there at all. In my minds eye I could see past this wall, past the building and out into the blue Oklahoma skies. Once my mind was in those skies it was a small journey to the space all around the Earth and then into the limitless universe.
Taking in those moments in your day, finding the suchness of things and then not holding on to them, not trying to capture them, there is power there. Suchness, a strange thought to Western minds, is really simple. Suchness is easy to demonstrate: seeing a flower as a flower, suchness is there. Knowing the suchness of money is only seeing it as money, it is a merely a tool, it does not equate to wealth; there is power there as well. Realizing that status does not equate to happiness, you can find a calming suchness there too.
All of this lead me to ponder the suchness of now, and to the wonder and happiness when it dawned on me that now is simply now. It is not a magic moment with the universe singing to me with choirs of angels, but rather the now is powerful unto itself. Now is the moment of this breath, it is this heartbeat, which you can actually feel if you are quiet and you listen to yourself.
Those strange seconds when the world slowed or sped up, they were pure now, pure suchness. They were something for me to cherish, and though I cannot just close my eyes and experience that peace and calm, I have tasted it before and so I know it is attainable still. I am no Buddha, I am not Awake yet, but I am slumbering no more.
Matt
Being one with the universe, in the here and now, umm… what true ecstasy of the mind, body and spirit that would be once accomplished…your art, your words make it abundantly clear you were never really slumbering…
I have often tried to manipulate my own relationship with time and experiencing “now” in my own terms. I think that having clocks around really ruins our experience. If you are constantly worrying about what time it is, it really distracts you from just being. If you experience time without the aid of a clock and just rise when your body is ready, eat when your body is ready, and work when your body is ready, and not look at the clock and think, “I can sleep another hour before I have to get up,” or “it’s time for lunch, I should eat now” or “I should wait until lunch time to eat” I think you can be more in tune with yourself. I treasure the weekends when this is possible for me. I will literally eat 5 or 6 times during the day. I can observe and experience more within a day when I’m not mentally dividing it into hours, minutes, and seconds. I can be impulsive and try to experience “now” on my own scale. It allows you to slow down and soak in everything that is happening around you, and maybe more. When I do this, I plan better, I show up really early, I find more beautiful parts of the city, experience restaurants when they’re not crowded, meet different people, and really do have a richer life.
If you try to judge how much day is left by the angle of the shadows on the ground, you actually can get really good at it. You begin to instinctively wake without an alarm, eat more often than three times a day, realize that your mind can work faster and absorb information and analyze it at an exhilarating pace when you allow it. When I am in this mode, I find that I am a better listener. I can focus less on what people are saying and more on the subconscious thoughts in their mind which are prompting them to say it. I can usually formulate a more comforting (or controlling) response and build a stronger bond with (or get a desired reaction from) that person. Of course, I have appointments to keep and flights to catch, but I find that I’m usually better prepared and procrastinate less when I live and think at a pace untethered from and uninterrupted by the clock on the wall.
Regarding suchness, my mind tends to automatically equate suchness with the ability to assign an English word to a thing. It’s such a limiting framework for thought, and I think the only way out of it for me is to invent my own names for things for which I don’t know an English word. I think of it as expanding my mental vocabulary to include new or intangible things I perceive. Matt, you’re right, it employs your creative subconscious in a way that is almost illogical to an educated mind. I find that learning how to form thoughts outside of the constructs of language is like heavy lifting for the mind. I think it’s possible to perceive more, to be more alert or aware or intuitive, but you have to train your mind to categorize a thing for which you don’t have a word. The skill is similar to making up variable names for things in a computer program. You have a concept that doesn’t exist in reality, but you can represent it in the memory of a computer and you have to call it by a consistent reference name. I wish I knew Latin. . . and Greek and Hebrew and Chinese.
Charles Hill’s comments about “manipulating” time are perfect..he is spot on.. I thought back on times when I was not ruled by a clock and he is right things are smoother, peaceful,serene and in divine order…as they should be. I want to add .. in line with “manipulating time” I also have experienced under crushing time constraints desperately looking at that clock knowing I was not going to get all that need to be done completed in such a short period of “time” actually saying to my higher power “Oh,please just slow time down, stop the clock for just a while” knowing it was just an idle request and continued to move about my business only to find what felt like I was doing an hours worth of work was truly only ten minutes, it was as if time had in fact stood still for me… I was able to finish all tasks… It felt as if divine order held time for me….as they say there is man’s time “Chronos” and spirit’s time “Kairos”…. I truly prefer to live in Kairos time….as is a beautiful think…..